Two suits, sipping from cups of beef barley soup
“Sure, it could be worse,” says one. “It could be raining fuckin’ scissors.”
Two girls looking at Facebook on laptops:
“I met him at a brow bar Thursday nite and he is soooo “Girls.’
(Brow bars: trending salons featuring cocktails, gossip, and eyebrow trimming/threading.)
Same girls, later
“Clubs? Nah, not his steez.”
(steez as in style&ease. Courtesy of urban dictionary )
Guy on phone: “I’m tired of all this ‘otherly’ shit.”
Girl jumping to feet as friend enters:
“Oh my God, I just saw Jason Segal. He walked right by me on Broadway. He is so cute.”
Friend: “Yeah. Too bad he’s a total man whore.”
And then there’s this from the “HUH” department.
Young girl interviewing young hipster guy
Girl: So what are you working on now?
Guy: I split my work into like six different silos. (Silos?)
Girl: When did you become a sexpert? Cuz I don’t know shit about sex. I’ve had it like a thousand times and I still don’t know shit about it.
Guy: I started up right after I worked in Union Square.
Girl: You mean, when you stood on the corner with your poster board and offered “Free Advice.”
Guy: Exactly. And the advice thing was so popular, I figured I’d make it more specific, you know? So I bought two chairs from a woman on the Upper East Side. I found them on Craigslist for five bucks each and I set up my “Free Sex Advice” gig.
Girl: What was the last thing somebody asked for advice about?
Guy: A girl said: What to you do when you go up a friend ladder then find yourself on a sex ladder with them instead?
Which is when I stuffed my soup container in the garbage and got outta Dodge. Friend ladders? Sex ladders? Silos? What am I doing wrong?