So the only time I feel even remotely famous in this town is when I see somebody racing towards me on the street, grinning and waving…
Oh fuck, I shriek to myself, tearing through the little that’s left of my mind, my memory.
Then they hug me. And I hug them back.
Brenda, Brenda! How ARE you?
WHO are you, I’m thinking.
Now, if you’re famous like Jay, you meet so many people you’re not
expected to remember their names.
If you’re NOT famous like me and you can’t remember their names, you’re an asshole.
The times when I do recognize a face can be even more embarrassing.
Oh my God, R. Isn’t that the guy who was in that movie with what’s her name?
No, Brenda. That’s a waiter at Bar Pitti.
Oh, right. I knew he was familiar.
Speaking of waiters and names…For thirty years, I’ve been using an alias at restaurants all over the Village. My alias is Ms. Davis.
Good evening, Ms Davis. Lovely to see you again, they say.
Or: That’s a Stoli martini up with an olive, Ms. Davis?
It took Frank at Il Cantinori eight years to finally work up the nerve and ask me why I always paid with a credit card that said Brenda Cullerton.
Of course, this alias thing makes perfect sense if you’re Jay and you’re trying to keep a low profile. Or if you’re in fucking Witness Protection. But me? Who the hell am I hiding from? I mean, I spend half my life, wondering why nobody recognizes me. For my writing, anyway. And I’m out there, using an alias.
The only name I seem to have no problem remembering is my own. If you had any idea how many times a day I type my own name into Google… Well, you’d think i was a total egomaniac. But it isn’t ego, OK? I Google myself to check and see if anything’s happening in my life; something maybe I haven’t heard about yet. Which is sort of like checking Spam for job opportunities. Something I also do. Or reading my horoscope. Which I no longer do. Because unless the horoscope says, Today, you will sit alone in your house and speak to noone or get up and scrub the floor for the godzillionith time with a Brillo pad, the horoscope would be wrong.
Actually, I believe the only time horoscopes are RIGHT is when they predict all the shit that will go WRONG in your life. Like the night of September 28th when Susan Miller at Astrology Zone told me and fellow Aries to “hunker down and stay home…” I’m not kidding. That’s what she said…